- October 27th, 14:00
I've been in the dumps -- and hey, that word brings up a memory. My childhood home was out in the country, surrounded on two sides by grape vineyards, the third by my grandfather's property and house across the field, and the fourth side (also across the field) was the county (city?) dump. My brother and I used to hang out there all the time, riding our bikes down through the pits, looking for treasure, spying on people. I have good memories of that dump. Not so much these dumps I've been in lately. I've been feeling alone and isolated, and worse because when I feel like this I withdraw from people. I wouldn't say it was a full-blown depression, but I've been hovering on the edge, almost ready to topple in at any given moment. It's just been life, worn out from the last four years of watching my mother die a slow death mainly, which has taxed me emotionally to the point that everything feels stressful. I toyed with antidepressants, but I really don't want to go on those (been there, not fond of the side effects). So I've just been chilling and staying withdrawn. It's been the shits, really, and there's been very little writing going on. I was pulling out of it at the beginning of the month, all jazzed up mentally to do my own personal Octowrimo and get busy with the novel. I was making a slow, slooooooowwwww move at it, and then I got waylaid by the flu and all my goals went out the window. I might try Nanowrimo, but damn, it's just the worst month for me. I might start out okay, but by midmonth, it'll slow to a trickle because of Thanksgiving. But I can do as much as I can, eh?
I'm really pleased because there was a flash call going on for Cicada that supposedly ended yesterday. I worked off and on all last week trying to whip an idea into shape, but it did NOT want to cooperate with the 750 word limit. So then I tried another story idea, and same thing. So I looked through my flash stories and found one that might serve the purpose and it even had an ending, unlike most of my LH flashes. But it was already deadline day yesterday and I had a busy busy day, on the go the whole day and then the grandkids until 5 pm. And then I started my usual putting off that I do. I'll sit down to write and open up the computer and then say, oh, let's check email and read a website and then play a game of Spider and the writing never happens. But last night, I took that story to task and I finished about 8 pm and the website took the story (no time zone or time deadline listed), so I guess I submitted. I don't have very many subs out. I've got several stories in works that just need work and revising, so I really need to get my butt in gear.
In other news, I've been exercising a lot, which definitely helps with the bad dumpiness. We're having our back lawn removed, and that started yesterday. There will be a roundish, paver patio for a fire pit, and then the rest of the former lawn will be mulched planting beds with drought-tolerant plants. So yay, because plant shopping can begin! This morning, I had to go out to dig up some scabiosa, a fern, and a catmint plant that I want to re-plant. I haven't been working in the yard much, because the lack of motivation/dumpiness. It just seems like so much *work*. But I enjoyed what little I did so much. We're having some workers do all the rototilling and patio paving and digging up of lawn, but we'll be doing the planting outselves (mainly, me!). I'm looking forward to that. Work is good, and even better with no excuses (which I seem to have in droves).